it's 5:45am, and yes, my sleeping times of 3am have been a thing of the past this last week. There is nothing (or more appropriately, no one) to blame for this, besides myself. It seems that I now pride myself in catching the first rays of the sun daily, the shallow blue tint of the morning sky that gazes through the rather miniature gap in between the curtains before I escape willingly to dreamscape. It's also been two nights of gazing at the car, then smiling, alone, at 3am. But really, when you let the darkness of the night envelope you as you stare endlessly into a machine that most of your daily attention span goes to, it's rather peaceful, and to put it simply; subtle. I know that sounds really sad, and Ian would probably suggest getting a girlfriend, but sometimes there are things one has to do to achieve peace. I don't mean world peace and all but more of a sort of tranquility you'd get at a beach on a deserted island. Brandon (my dog) obviously was up to his nightly routine of either a) hiding somewhere in the back b) lazing around or c) chasing squirrels or whatever. Still, I pity not spending enough time with him. He obviously is living what we humans call "the life". Not that sport cars and wine are any of his concern. Female company however, is another issue altogether. Ah, the wonderful world of girls. After the rather haphazard relationships of the past, I have become an egoistic bastard that would not settle for anything not fit for american television high school. Ah, who is he kidding?, give him anything with tits and loads of alcohol and he'd be fine. But the point is, I really do worry about the morning after, and the image it portrays. It's like buying the old hyundai coupe over affordability issues, telling yourself it's sporty, then kicking yourself in the nuts when it's sitting on your driveway looking like a "modern" artpiece that has been shat on by a migrating flock of birds. But you argue : "if that's all you can afford, then that's all you can get." But here's a question, if that's all you could afford, would you really want to get it? Do you really need a 2 door coupe? Do you really need a girlfriend? The obvious but rather sad answer is no. What about sex then? That, my friend; is a want. Like a 5 litre V12. It'd fuck your brains out that's for sure. But do you really need it? No. This doesn't stop everyone from wanting one, but we don't need it. So you say, OK you've established we dont need women and beautiful cars, so what's the point? My point is, if we can't achieve the beautiful girls or cars we want, why settle for less? Why go through a relationship with an ugly girl that you have to assure yourself is not "too bad" just because you can't have the slightest common sense to go fuck yourself? Why drive a beat up banger and go teary eyed at a ferrari when you can stride in style? (besides, you probably need the exercise anyway, public transport isn't all too bad and there is always the sport bike option.) Well, as usual, as other pretendingly contented individuals always want to be practical and tell you that it's okay to have a lousy girl and a banged up car as it is rather a normal thing and it works, so most people give up on their hopes and dreams and settle for less with the notion that it's okay because the society accepts it. If you wanted a lousy girl or a crap car, fine. But as for the rest of the world, the next time someone tells you that it's a normal thing to have and it's alright, tell them to walk it off and go fuck themselves.