"The Faith issue"-2003
Current song: Vert Horizon's "You're a God"...Just off watching "Bruce Almighty" again. I love that movie, no matter what everyone else thinks. It's humourous, immensely touching and Jennifer Aniston's in it. I've been holding the torch up for Jennifer ever since the first time I saw her on friends season 1 ep1, and right now it's friends season 10 ep9, so it's been a good 10 years I've been into it. Wow. 10 years. I was in high school when it first started(friends). And while I still remember rushing off from tuition to watch it, and becoming overly obsessed with it to when I thought my life was like Ross's, minus the Rachel bits. 10 years on, I still go all shaky in the legs when I watch Jennifer on screen. Now, I know that sounds either obsessive or just lack of having a life; but that's not the point. The point here is if I can be a fan for 10 years, that's a commitment. Some marriages don't last that long. And that's still not really the point. The point here is that I've just realized again that I've been looking everywhere for answers to life, but it's been staring at me all the time, and it is me that refuses to look at it because it's a lot of work, and that my proclaimed self withering ego is telling me that I don't have what it takes. Cut to Bruce-- He's not getting what he wants although he has all of what he needs, and he's looking for answers elsewhere. Same situation. Same answer. We're always looking up for miracles. And all the power for change lies in us. It's us that has the free will. The power to change when we want to. We (well I do anyway) neglect this to find an easy way out, when this IS the only way out. Be the miracle. I've been searching for an answer for what's really been a bit more than a decade; and I always knew the way out from the start, I just never wanted to face it. I just always comforted myself on the notion that things would change by itself, that I would just be there at the right time; and that it had to happen someday. And honestly I'm tired of looking elsewhere. I'm tired of waiting. I've just got to go out there and work for it. Put some faith in life and in god. Like Rachel said in friends, maybe I should just power through (same line , different situation)... and put some faith in myself to begin with.