"The Commitment Issue"-2003
I have just finished watching Scary Movie 3 and am listening to "Sun Is Shining"--remixed of course. Now, while I found the movie incredibly entertaining and funny; I just didn't laugh out loud. I feel I've been sedated by recent events, and nothing means anything anymore to me. The car has of recent days gotten in worse and worse shape. My academic situation is in...lack of a better word...jeapordy. My so called girl has been thrown out of my life. Playstation games remain unfinished. My anti smoking campaign yet to work. My weight loss plan on the brink of destruction. Purpose to life has reached an incredible low. And yet, as I feared this day would come in the past; when it's happening now, as I watch my life slowly pull apart, and all things important to me taken away, I just sit there and watch. I've been heralding a breakdown that will unravel everything, a catalyst of change. I've been welcoming it with open arms, so that things will change. My plan behind all plans. And even that is not working. Maybe I have no purpose. But then the cloud of uncertainty is suddenly clearing up. It's only in these times, I know what I want. And the only thing holding the last bits and pieces together is the tiny strings of commitment. The bits and pieces that tell me I need to commit. I need to put all aside and just commit. Rebuild, one by one, not all at once. Really, I can't wait.