"The Style Issue"-2003
Last week has been fucking stupid. Stupidity I don't care to share here. Or anywhere. Ever. However, the last week of my life has changed me in ways I am only starting to realise as reality sets in. Reality. Right now my life is heading in the inevitable failure I had always predicted. What lies beyond that is something I cannot forsee, and I'm not as worried as I should be. However at this point of time I can safely say that I realise what I've been doing wrong; mostly a case of not what I did, or did wrong; but what I didn't do. And the surfacing of the truth that I play safe on everything makes life not very exciting. Sure, I believe in everything I say, the ability to take risks mine, but the choice made to such said risks rare and very far between. Just got off the phone with a friend I would not mention, and I just realised another part that has been missing in my life. style. Sure what everyone does is considered his/her style aka individualism, but that's not what I'm getting at. The question on when the last time I went and bought clothes or even bothered to shop for anything besides dvds,games and music cds is seriously worrying. I just noticed that my wardrobe is not at all stylish save for some dockers khakis which I never use and a DKNY shirt. Now I'm not complaining about my attire collection, but merely noticing how it lacks style. Yes, style is associated with budget, but if I had chosen well beforehand, I wouldn't be stuck with my current taste dillemma. Another problem I would like to address is my pushing aside of passion. Right now, the passion for anything is gone. All that remains is what I call a silly excuse for a goal. The flame, the fire, it's all gone. And I've left that issue unresolved. Untouched. Unbothered. I've been welcoming a change, but it never came. It's my fault, and it's also my responsibility. I know this is all sounding very negative and bleak; but I predict something has begun. And it's going to happen real soon. Good or bad; only time will tell.