THE COMPLEX MIND part Two

I have yet to figure out my entire mind's workings. But firstly you have to accept that I am divided into the internal mind, much like the processor, the thought generator, the conscience and the keeper of all the theories and the problems and solutions to life (basically, the voice); and the external mind. The external mind is an extension of my conscience, a people person, the interactivity generator, the image of me the internal mind wants to portray as 'me'. Now, understand that this image is not 'me' but just a portrayal of what I want to be, at that selected moment. And the 'me' I have selected for everyday use, is a cheery nonsense speaking personality, but to which changes in moments of life, such as when I'm with different company. In order to keep it seem consistent as one single personality, I have decided to keep a few key traits the same throughout (for example;humour,to which it's 'engine' is more complex than one might know of). Now, living in a built character is something not easy to live with, especially when one does not know one's true self, to which after much thought and consideration I have found to be the internal mind, the real place where I think, the real things that I fancy, and the real goals in life. This is apparent to others in my external self; only when I'm in a serious, 'theoretical mode'. Logic is something I feel comes very easy to me, but it's my external mind that conflicts with the simple logic that my internal mind outputs that makes it so complex. It's basically fighting with yourself. It becomes more complex when you're so used to your external mind, and it tries to take over. But then the internal mind itself is trying to change the external to a new image. That PLUS having both sides of the mind knowing each other's intentions AND both trying to get their way. Balance I'm afraid is hard to find. This again, is another one of my dillemmas. Another part of myself that I have to contend with simultaneously with other dillemmas. This is only a fraction of the stress that is inflicted. More to come soon...